You Can’t Skip the Lessons

Wanna learn some valuable, epiphanic, life-changing, jaw-dropping lessons in this world? Have a kid. I guarantee your viewpoint on just about everything changes because you get a first-hand, birds-eye view of the life you already lived, but in real-time. Whoa. That’s so meta(ish).

As a parent, you can’t help but want to save your kid from every impending social disaster, heartbreak, embarrassment, loss, and failure. As a human enduring life on this planet, it’s imperative that we realize that when we save our kiddos from all the heartache that goes along with the human experience, we end up with adults that simply don’t know how to navigate life (this is how we ended up with the Millennial generation we all complain about).

I have done my fair share of catching Ella before she falls, quietly swooping in to give her answers before she can figure them out herself, and disguising blatant directions on how to solve a social problem as advice. You know what I got from that? A nervous, anxious, obsessive kid that doesn’t trust herself or her own decisions.

Yes, I am aware that I didn’t break my child. I am aware of the nature/nurture concept and I am not about to take all the blame or jump off a cliff believing I ruined my kid for her entire life.

However…

I think back on my childhood, teenhood, and young adulthood and the list of mistakes is long. I mean…looooooooooooooooong. My life was more of a “sink or swim” situation for sure and for all the shit I got myself into because of that, the treasure trove of experience, wisdom, and knowledge I got in addition to all the shit was priceless. I’m not saying you should let your kid sink in shit, but I am saying that you can’t blindly allow them to skip the shit.

Even as adults, you simply cannot skip the lessons the universe has for you. You can try, but hahahahahahahaha…let me know how that works out for you. 

As for your children, we as adults actually have to find the strength to allow them to fuck up, and fuck up wildly sometimes. Where you struggle the most, where your heartache lies, where you feel yourself going under further than you have ever been before is exactly where the richest, deepest, most profound and most beautiful lessons are waiting for you. Do you want to be the one to keep your kiddo from all that eventual loveliness?

We can certainly help them navigate their lessons and teach them coping skills to figure it all out, but we simply cannot save them from their lessons. In fact, the more you do this, the worse it is for your kiddo because you are raising a person that will either never possess the skills they need to get through this life in a healthful way, or will have to scrape and crawl through it so harshly that the lessons are more than they think they can bare.

I’ve recently started a journey of tougher love with Ella and I’ll let you know how that goes. What I’ve noticed so far is when I leave her to her own devices, yet assure her that she’s got what it takes to come out on top, she surprises me every time with her ability rise to the occasion and come out not only unscathed but proud of herself and one notch more mature and wise. 

We’ll see how this goes. “President Ella Craig” or “Inmate #289 E. Craig” 

*sigh*