Who is Responsible for You Liking Yourself?

Let me answer that as clearly and compassionately as I can: your own damn self. That's who. Let me explain...

For a very long time, I have been a collector of a certain type of woman in my life and it has been such a blessing. All sarcasm and Ebeth-ism aside...I have a passion for helping women along in their life journies and I express that passion through writing, photographing, coaching, and Reiki.

So...here I am collecting these beautiful, engaging, brilliant women just overflowing with life and energy, but I see that so many of them share the exact same problem and they just don't see it...

They are each asking someone close to them to fill them up. They are asking that person to love them unconditionally, cherish their faults just as much as their strengths, and find them to be exactly what they want and need in this life in every way. They are asking them to believe in them fully, and finally, to simply love them for who they are, as they are.

But here is the thing: they really don’t do any of the things on that list for themselves. They look in the mirror and sneer at the reflection. For every compliment they are paid, they follow it up with some perceived fault in themselves. They go to bed at night counting every calorie they consumed that day while having a mental fistfight with themselves. Then they wake up in the morning picking up right where they left off.

What's more, I'm starting to see a trend happening: women are starting to lay this responsibility on me. I know what you’re thinking here. You’re thinking that I’m an Intuitive Life Coach, a Reiki Practitioner, and a photographer of women. This is what I get paid to do.

However...

If someone was doing a street survey and walked up to you and asked you the question: "Who is responsible for you liking yourself?", what answer would you give? That's right: Yourself. Could you really choke out any other name, other than your own?? No, you could not. And you know it. So why, then, are you walking around each day as if that answer is any other name other than your own??

And here's the other thing--pay attention here. This is important. If you are waiting around for your partner or ride-or-die friend to make you feel good about yourself and take on that daily responsibility to fulfill you in every way that has to do with your own healthy self-image, you’re going to be disappointed.

Let me say: if you have a partner that is actively trying to make you feel bad about yourself and does not lift you up in the ways they absolutely should, then you have to do your own soul-searching as to why you are still there. In this post, I’m referring to two people that care for each other very deeply. But you have to know that no matter how much your partner, or anyone else, loves you it is simply not their responsibility to make you love yourself. My dear, dear beloved darlings: it is not my responsibility either. I can guide you. I can help you. I can share in your epiphanies. But I cannot make you love yourself.

You have to give something here. You have to see that if you don’t ever take an active and participating role in your own healthy self-image, absolutely no one can do it for you. You will, without a doubt, spend the rest of your life living in a puddle of disappointment, disillusionment, and dis-ease. Please don't do this to yourself.

If you have now had your daily wake-up call for taking responsibility for your own self-love, acceptance, and care then may I make a few suggestions? Please start some kind of daily meditation on affirmations of self-love. Please take some time each day to sit in stillness and get to know yourself. Please write a list or journal entry on the many ways you can change this within yourself. Please talk to your partner about this soft spot for yourself and ask them how they feel about all of this. Please put some kind of plan of action into place that will allow you to spend time doing things that will help you begin to heal and accept yourself.

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If you’d like more information on how to start living the life you were meant to live, reach out and see how I can help.