The Joy of Writing Your Own Eulogy
Need a little pick-me-up and a bit of a reminder about what’s important in this life? Write your own eulogy. I’m serious. It’s one of the most liberating and fun past times worth giving a little time too. Make it a family game. I promise you’ll be in stitches. Mostly, you’ll appreciate the reminder of what’s most important in this life. Can’t ever have enough of those moments, eh?
“Today, as we celebrate Elizabeth’s life by mourning her death, I’d like to take some time and talk about all the special things about her that we simply cannot forget.
Elizabeth was fat. She had a huge ass, bits that wobbled, cellulite, and was irrelevant and unworthy of happiness because of these things. Her weight kept her from being truly loved and of course she didn’t deserve to be loved because of her weight.
Elizabeth was a worthless woman. She could have been a better mother, a better wife, and a better friend, but because she didn’t have a high-powered job, a fancy car, or the biggest house on the block, her worth was seriously downgraded and every woman that had more of these things were so much more worthy of love and happiness.
Elizabeth had brown hair, but would’ve looked so much better with blonde hair (don’t even get me started on the grays). She also had wrinkles and did nothing to hide them, which showed her true age…in today’s world for goodness sakes! She would’ve been so much more revered if she had more friends, more money, the right job, a bigger house, a fancier degree, and was envied by the other women at the PTA.
Poor Elizabeth. I’d say ‘may she rest in peace’ but we all know she doesn’t deserve to.”
*insert record scratch here*
“Elizabeth was a beautiful woman, inside and out. She loved her daughter more than anyone else in this world and enjoyed every single moment she could with her. Elizabeth was an ah-mazing wife that allowed her husband to spoil her rotten and take incredible care of her, all while being nice to him when she wanted to. She spent her life working hard to help women see, feel, and own their own self-worth and inner beauty. She believed in the best good of all people (except Donald Trump), and found her life’s purpose in lifting others up, especially when they felt their most down.
She was kind, generous, funny, committed, caring, smart, and could seriously deliver a right hook.
She will be missed by all, but most especially by all the drivers that will no longer be able to enjoy her middle finger and road rage. Oh, and also by her fur baby, Augie.
In the end, all the things we spent our time obsessing over never even makes it into our own eulogy. That’s because none of it matters and we all know it.
People will never remember what job you had, the car you drove, the house you lived in, or if you had wrinkles. People only remember how you made them feel.
How do you make people feel?
#gutcheck
