Life Is a Mirror with Profound Reflections
I was sitting at the counter with one of my closest friends as she cooked us dinner while we chatted the night away. This may sound simple to you but if you have a best friend that just gets you, then you know that evenings like this are precious. This was one of those precious nights.
Have you ever heard the term, “we teach that which we most need to learn”? Well, I can tell you without a doubt that I have proven that statement true about a billion times. That’s the amazing thing about being a Life Coach; if you're any good at it, you have no choice but to recognize that everything you help your clients understand about themselves is almost always a mirror reflecting that same lesson right back at yourself. That sounds pretty standard but damn that shit can sting when that realization soaks in.
Every time I work with a client who talks to me about how the people in her life don’t treat her the way she wants to be treated, I know exactly where it’s going. It’s what I call The Blame Game and it’s very normal. I’ll bet most of us can take a good 30 minutes to describe the long trail of misdeeds that we’ve had to endure by certain people throughout our lives. Then take another 30 minutes to describe the dumpster fire-like consequences that ensued from said transgressions, with a final 30 minutes to describe what their life could’ve been like had those people not done them wrong.
Raise your hand if this is you. I’m raising both of mine. #beentheredonethat
On this particular evening, the discussion veered into my personal space regarding romantic relationships. I talked about all the transgressions and the misdeeds, and I did a whole bunch of finger-pointing.
Here are just a few of my statements:
“No one really accepted me. Not unconditionally.”
“No one really loved me. Not unconditionally.”
“I’m never enough for them.”
“They never acknowledge the true me because they don’t see the true me.”
“They suck my life force dry and never fill it back up.”
“They judge everything about me.”
“I can’t trust anyone with my full heart because I can’t trust that they will take care of it.”
I sat and I boohooed. I blamed and I pointed my finger. I felt so victorious in my victimhood.
Go me.
Then the epiphanic smack in the face wound its way back to me and there I was, staring into the mirror, facing the epiphanic reflections staring right back at me.
“I never really accepted me. Not unconditionally.”
“I never really loved me. Not unconditionally.”
“I’m never enough for myself.”
“I never acknowledged the true me because I don’t see the true me.”
“I suck my life force dry and I never fill it back up.”
"I judge everything about me.”
“I can’t trust myself with my full heart because I can’t trust that I’ll take care of it.”
It was a sucker punch to the gut, right hook to the cheek, and uppercut to the chin kinda moment. There I was, laid out flat from my own beating.
Holy shit did that hurt. But holy shit did that feel good.
I’m not sure I need to say much more about any of this because I think you get the point. The only thing I will say is this:
Get yourself a great big mirror. ;-)
