Knowing When to Fight or Flee
In a past post, I talked about the difference between false and real fear. When we can distinguish between the two, it allows us to make an informed decision about how to face that particular fear. Now, we’re going to talk about how to use that information to make the decision to fight or flee. I got this incredibly useful information from the book Finding Your North Star by Martha Beck.
In this post, we’re going to focus on the flight/flee response that is specific to dealing with FALSE fears. Meaning, the irrational emotional responses to the fear that exists only in our thoughts and imagination, rather than an external threat that we need to potentially survive.
So, how do we face, deal with, and resolve our false fears? It’s really quite simple: you follow what you want the most. Your hunger. Your desire. Your passion. But here’s the trick:
If you’re in a situation where you’re fearful of the idea of something, consider whether your passion and your fear make you feel the same way. If it does: flee. If it makes you feel opposite reactions: stay and fight for what you want.
To help you better understand, we’re going to come up with two different scenarios that are going to show you how to deal with false fear.
Scenario One: You’re dating a person and you find them to be lovely but you’re still feeling out what the end game is. However, your parents LOVE them. They’ve been doing everything they can since the moment you met this person to get you married off to them. They’ve already drawn up the plans for the wedding and it’s all they talk about. You know you want to get married someday. It’s something you desire, but every time this scenario presents itself, you not only feel a sense of dread, and even though you really like the person you’re dating, when you consider marrying them, you realize you would rather eat glass. Your desire and your fear are telling you the same thing: FLEE.
Scenario Two: You’ve always wanted to run the Boston Marathon. Every time you think about it, you get the chills and your face lights up like a Christmas tree. You feel a deep sense of glee. Then your heart drops and your stomach sinks when the movie reel of you humiliating yourself in front of hundreds of thousands of people, by either passing out or pooping in your gym shorts, as you run by the camera that’s broadcasting internationally, of course, runs through your mind. Your desire and your fear are telling you opposite things: FIGHT YOUR FEAR.
These simple instructions are also a quick way to check your fear for legitimacy if you’re unsure if what you’re feeling is real or false. I use this method all of the time now to determine whether I should let something go or keep at it. It’s been one of the most useful tools in my toolbox.
The most important thing to remember here is that you’re giving yourself knowledge. Knowledge equals power because when we have knowledge we can make informed decisions, which gives us choices.
Here is a little nugget to go along with that: just because you recognize that your fear is false, which tells you to grab it by the seat of its pants and show it who’s boss, doesn’t mean you can’t sit on it for a while. The point is that you have given yourself a choice. That’s power and that power belongs to you.
Knowledge = Choice = Power
^^ Mix them up any way you want. It will always be relevant to you.
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If you’d like more information on how to start living the life you were meant to live, reach out and see how I can help.
